Frightened or Nervous?

Am I nervous or frightened? Will you help me decide?

I'm sitting here on my bed, and I've been staring at my computer for hours, hoping that the answers to all my questions will just magically appear on the screen like some sign from God. But so far there has been no sign, and no magically appearing words. So I'm stuck typing out my obsure and sometimes nonsense thoughts in a blog.

You see, there's a guy that I kinda have a crush on. Names of which won't be named (in order to protect the incredibly guilty). I kinda flirt with him, he kinda flirts with me. But here we run into problem number one. He kinda flirts with a couple girls. But sometimes it seems he picks on me a little more than the others. Or I could just present a few more opportunities. But that's not the point.

I really want to ask him to watch a movie, or even to spring formal, but I'm scared that he'll say no and I'll end up looking like a complete moron. I mean, I've embarrassed myself enough in my life to last me a couple lifetimes, so I don't really feel like doing it again. On the other side, if I don't do anything, what if he does like me, or is potentially interested, then something great could be missed out on. And if I don't do anything, I'll go the rest of my time here not knowing if there was something there or not.

But then I don't want to look overeager, because I was just dumped about a week ago, though I was kinda ready for it to happen, but was still a little surprised because I was going to give the relationship another chance and the voicemail he left wasn't exactly what I was expecting. I know the relationship probably wasn't one of my better ideas and I now that I think about it, it really wasn't my idea. I don't know if I was ever really into the idea of him and I dating, I don't know if I ever really had a choice... he just kissed me and then apparently we were going out and it was this huge big deal. I don't even know if this is relevent to the topic at hand, but it's inside my head, bouncing around and bothering me.

Another side of this is that I want to be pursued! I want the guy to come and ask me out and be at least slightly romantic about the whole thing. I don't think I've ever actually been asked out, or asked to be someone's girlfriend. It always just was. And you know what? I'm sick of it. I want to be pursued and romaticized and treated like a princess. But at the same time I want to be treated like a normal person. I want to be understood. I want the person I'm with to understand that when I'm stressed out I don't want to talk to anyone because my temper is short and I don't want to say anything that I'll regret later. I want them to understand that and not get annoyed or mad or break up with me. I want them to know that I'm overly passionate at times and that I say and do things without fully thinking about it first. That I love to pick on people and if you open the door, I'm going to walk through and that I expect that in return, but not in a hurtful way. I want someone who isn't going to bring up my past relationships, knowing that it hurts when I think about them and the mistakes that I admit that I have made in the past. I want someone who will think of me at random times during the day, and every once in a while let me know that, but who won't freak out if they don't hear from me in a day, and won't worry, or not be able to function if they don't talk to me.

Am I asking too much?

But back to the point... I don't want to be frightened of this person. I don't know if I should ask him to do something or just drop a hint, or just sit and wait to see if he'll do something first. I need help, I need advice, and sometimes I just don't think that I can talk to the people around me about this type of thing.

Blargh.