Working...

So I just had a small realization that I would like to share with the part of the internet world that actually reads this:

You know you have a great job when you want to get up in the morning, regardless of what time you have to get up, just to go spend time at a place where 99% of the people around you are under 15. If that didn't make sense, let me explain. I work at a Jewish camp. A Jewish day camp. I teach lessons to kids who range in age from 5 all the way up to 11. Then I do competitive lessons with 12 and 13 year olds. I spend my day talking with "adults" ages 15 to 45. I get annoyed, not by the kids, but by the actual coworkers. I love the kids. They are the reason I get up in the morning. I spend five minutes (usually less) thinking 'Gee, my back kinda hurts, I'm tired, do I really want to get up?' Then I think about all the kids I would miss seeing that day, who would teach my classes and what would they teach because the other instructors teach differently than I do or don't at all. At that point, I smile and get up because I want to see those kids. As much as I sometimes complain about it, I love being recognized outside the pool. I love the kids that come up and hug me because they are so glad I'm there.

To put it simply - I love my job. To the point where I don't care that I'm not being paid well.

Tonight, tonight, it's all tonight...

Ok, so tonight I'm going out. But I can't even say that because it's a camp function up at the JCC. Still, I get to dress up for it and it's going to be fun. A lot of people kept asking me if I was going, which is good, right? One person inparticular, that I'm kinda excited about spending more time with :).

Anyway, that's all for now, I'll update on how it goes, and whatnot later on.

I've been thinking...

Why can't like ever just be simple? Like to the point of 'here's the big red arrow that you follow to your destiny' simple. Or something happening like getting slapped on the back of the head when the right opportunity is passing you by. But I guess that's a little too much to ask, right? Anyway...

Last time I spoke about how I'm ready to date but not ready to say I'm dating someone. And that still holds true, but I've been thinking about that whole thing. Well, a part of it. The part where I actually get to the point of being ready to actually date one person and be in a relationship with that person. My past relationships have been based mainly on a physical component and I'm really sick of that. I've never had a really cute and sweet and innocent relationship where the physical part doesn't really matter. And I want that because deep down inside that's the person I am. Yeah I can be loud at times, yeah I can be a bitch or sexy, but down inside I'm actually quiet, and insecure and shy. I don't like being in front of people I don't know, I get nervous when I have to talk in front of others and a lot of the time I'm happy just sitting off the side and reading or something.

I'm not saying I want a fairy tale, because I don't. I just want something real. I don't want to date for the sake of dating, or to say 'oh yeah, I have a boyfriend'. And I don't want to date with the goal of getting married anytime soon (I would really like to finish school first). But I do want to get back out there to see people, to meet new people, and to maybe, just maybe find the real thing, whatever that may be.

Rambling on...

Ever have those moments when you think one thing, and then suddenly all these other and different thoughts start flooding your mind? Well, that happened to me this past week. I was coming home from work in the middle of the week, after not only being asked to work this weekend, but also being offered a job, and I thought for the first time about what my weekend was going to bring. And that's when every other thought in the world flooded through my brain.

I thought aboutbeing 22, and all the changes that were going on. Going from my current school, to the community college and finally to a local college all in the course of the coming year. Ideas of people I will meet, jobs that I'm being prepped for and all the school work that I have to get A's on just completely overwhelmed me.

To say the least I decided to stay home for this fourth of July weekend despite what other plans I might have had. I think that was the better idea in the long run. I'm torn in what I think I want and what I really want. Despite what I've said in previous posts, I am still happy being single. At the same time, I want to start dating, but not say that I am dating one specific person.

I don't want to look like a whore or like I'm easy or anything. That's totally not what I mean. I mean that I want the chance to find the right person without having to feel like I'm doing something wrong. If any of that made sense.