Movies with the girls....

So anyone who knows me for more than an hour knows that I am a hopelessly romatic, sappy person and it is this reason exactly why I should not watch movies like 27 Dresses. I see that, and the perfect wedding and the perfect happiness and I want that. Maybe not the wedding any time soon, but the boyfriend, the love, the future.

What I hated the most is the fact that the wedding at the end of the movie, Jane's wedding, is the closest thing I have ever seen to the way that I want my wedding to be. If I were to wear a white wedding dress, hers would be the one I would wear.

I know, I'm sappy and sick and it's disgusting, but I truly am an old-fashioned romantic, sighing and wanting sap! Go ahead... make fun.

It's a schoolgirl crush ;)

Okay, this one is kinda girly, so just remember that I'm warning you now...

So I've been watching American Idol. Go ahead and sigh and shake your head. I understand. But anyway...

So the first time I saw David Cook perform, I thought oh, he's good, he's a rocker, that works, it's a little different. But I've been watching him more and more and I'm really starting to get a crush on the guy! It's so weird, cause I usually don't do that type of thing. I mean, yeah I like Jesse Spencer because he's hot and has an amazing accent. But this guy... yeah he's cute, but not overly, he's a self proclaimed "word nerd," and he rocks in the coolest way ever.

He sings and I get chills down my spine. It's utterly amazing. Then I tonight I found out that he's left handed (meaning he plays the guitar upside down) which is like the coolest thing to see a guy do (I'm an uber guitar dork, I apologize). But here's the greatest thing - he's tall. He's like at least 6'0".

Now I'm not turning into some screaming, hysterical fan. That's just completely out of my league, and unlike me. But if I ever had the chance to actually meet him... I don't know, I'd like to think I'd play it cool. And honestly, I think he and I would hit it off. This coming even though I barely know anything about him.

Okay, so it's a little schoolgirl crush. It's not like I'm ever going to meet him or anything. But hey, I can dream right? ;)

It's the water...

So at my college there's a saying "don't drink the [insert girl's dorm here] water." There's also, the shoe factory analogy - "they come to get their souls fixed and come out in pairs." But I'm going to focus on that first one for a moment.

Traditionally, it refers to marriage. This year however, it seems to refer to pregnancy and because of this somewhat drastic change, I'm beginning to think it isn't the water. Nine pregnancies people. Nine! On a "Christian" campus. And those are just the ones we know about.

So why do I say that it might not be the water? Simple. I've been drinking that water for four years and I don't have a ring on my finger and I'm definately not pregnant, and there are other girls in the same boat (in a sea of pressures to find a guy and obtain our Mrs. Degree). We need a different explaination and I've found what it is. THESE PEOPLE CAN'T THINK FOR THEMSELVES!!

Along with the pregnancies this year, we have also had like eleven engagments. Of records for this school this year comes in second (first being the year before I got here and they had fourteen engagements that year, starting the first week of school). It's like as soon as it happens to one person (one "original" thinker) then suddenly everyone else has to follow. No one seems to be able to think this through and just say one special little word. NO! NO NO NONONO!

For those of you who don't have a head on your shoulders, let me think this through for you -
1) You say that financial aid goes up for married couples. This is true, for one very specific reason: you and/or your new spouse are about 50% less likely to finish college! And it's probably the little wife who won't finish because she'll be having kids. And once she starts having kids, she probably will never finish because she'll be raising them and/or trying to work a part time job to help support the family so if she does go back, by the time she can none of the credit she had before getting married will count for anything!
2) Think for a moment about what type of life that child is going to have. Parents that may (or maynot) have a college education, which you need to really and truly survive in this world to make a sustantial amount of money to survive. Does this seem fair? Now I'm not saying that every family has to be rich in order to be happy, nothing near that. But to truly raise and provide for a child at such a young age, you have to wonder if these people are emotionally mature and ready to assume that type of responsibility.

Okay, I might sound pessimistic, and amybe I am, but you have to admit, there are some pretty important things to consider when going into this. Marriage and children are huge, huge commitments and shouldn't be entered into lightly.

This is why I refuse to get engaged before I graduate, and even more so why I'm completely refraining from sex until the time that I a married. Church impressioned views? I think not. I prefer to think of it as experience with deathly frightening scares and realizing that I'm not ready for that type of responsibility. I mean for Pete's sake, I still confire with my mother before making serious decisions (though I'll probably be doing that until the day she dies).

Signing off,
~Vix~

Going Back Home...

You read it right kids, I'm going back to Ol' Jerz. The decision has been made, calls are going out (can't you just hear that beeping and ringing noise that they do in the movies?) and applications are being mailed out to Montclair, and Ramapo.

So this is what I have to accomplish by the end of finals -
-Biofoundations paper is due Thursday.
-Ed Psych case study and the "classroom" brochure is due before the final.
-Get applications and transcripts in the mail so that everything arrives on time.
-Alert the appropriate authorities that I will not be returning.
-Breathe.
-Sleep.

Oh, and of course study for finals, but that comes with the territory of finals week.

I'm excited at the prospect of going home, and not having to drive back out here in August. I will miss all my friends out here, but as the infamous Kathy Glynn told me earlier, they are all just an email, a facebook or a call away.

I'm excited that this is becoming a reality. I wouldn't be able to handle another year out here without wanting to kill myself.

Okay, that was my brief break... back to work!

Convos in Parlor

Tonight I had the rare opportunity to sit out in the Parlor lobby and talk with the girls. This is one of the things that I will miss next year. I've grown closer to these girls and I really enjoy what they have to say and the stories that they share. I like talking to them at the end of the week and catching up with what's been going on in their lives. But back to the point of this entry.

Tonight we were discussing different things that has pissed us off over the years that wouldn't normally happen at another college, but happens here because of the small size and the "Christian" appearance they like to uphold. These things included what happened to me this past week, and something that happened to another girl a year or so ago. What exactly happened isn't important to this entry, what is important is your definition of "Christian".

You see, I was raised to believe that we are not here to judge, but to be judged. Even J.C. himself was not here to judge and tells us that this is a job for the Father in heaven. But apparently some people think that this does not apply to themselves (as far as the judging part) or others (meaning the being judged). Is this the meaning of "Christian"? That the bible applies to everyone but them? That if you're a Christian you can do as you like, believe as you like, because you've dedicated your like to God and therefore are saved without being a nice person? If it is, then I'm missing out on a lot of fun times.

Besides this, I was taught, and I read in the bible that J.C. told us the most important of all the laws was to love your neighbor as yourself. He didn't put stipulations on this. He didn't say love your neighbor as yourself as long as your neighbor isn't gay, or a different race from you, or does things you don't necessarily agree with. It's love your neighbor as yourself, period, end of story, that's it. But there are so many people that just don't want to hear that and it's giving real Christians a bad name, and frankly it sucks.

Now I'm not saying that because I'm a Christian I'm completely sinless. I know that's not true, and everyone around me knows that's not true. However, I also believe that J.C. was first and foremost a man, and that he too made mistakes in his life, just as I have, and every other normal person also has. Alright, you can all gasp and scream and tell me how wrong I am. But let's think about it for a moment. He hung out with prostitutes, and tax collectors, and murderers and theives for Pete's sake. His best friends had been arrested God knows how many times, and yet he still hung out with them. One of them even sold him out to be killed and he forgave them in the end. So are you going to tell me that he didn't get in trouble, or drink a little bit in his 33 years of life? I don't think so. He was, after all, a man.

I said this to the Dean of Academics at my school after he had the balls to criticize my friends. I thought he was going to fall over and die he turned so white. Ever since, he hasn't looked at me the same way. But I don't think it matters what I say. People can say whatever they want, but it has no bearing unless you follow it with actions. I guess that's why I don't listen to people the way other people do. I watch them for what they do, how they act, and what their bodies do. That tells you so much more than if you just listen to them. Words mean next to nothing to me. You want to impress me? Don't do it with how you talk or what you say. Do it with your actions. Do the right thing, don't just say you will.

Signing off,
~Vix~

Is it really worth the frustration?

So in the past week my stress level has probably go from like 75 (on a scale of one to one hundred) to about 120. It sucked and because of that I've been getting annoyed with certain people and not wanting to do anything, especially the work that I know really had to get done. And it's all because of the Habitat crap that they threw at me (which was withdrawen after people heard the entire story). That mixed with the fact that I started off the semester at a high stress level, and I have a monster load of papers that are all partially done and are due in the next week or so, is just kind of killing me. I just sucks.

So when Mom called, she and I briefly discussed transferring to a school back home. And I'm kind of partial to this idea. It will be a lot cheaper if I go and take a semester at CCM and bring up my GPA with a couple classes, and then transfer to another school. Maybe it's because I've been here four years, and I've seen how far downhill this school has gone. Maybe I was too involved my first couple years and I saw the corruption that went on. I don't know, but I do know that it's not worth trying to kill myself to finish here. The funny thing was, this wasn't my idea, it was my mother's.

But she and I are going to discuss this in more detail later tonight, so I will definitely keep you posted on what this Jersey Girl is going to do.

Exciting Days...

So today was slightly more exciting than usual. A friend of mine (who has quickly become one of my closest friends) passed out and had a small seizure in class today. Slightly scary? Absolutely, considering the last seizure I encountered was at work, in a shower and last twenty minutes. But this one didn't last that long and by the time her parents got here to take her to the doctors she was getting back to her old self, though with a headache and a little queasy.

But it got our first class canceled and out of our second class. Which was pretty cool, if I do say so myself.

Now I'm in the library. That's right folks, it's not even 1:00 yet and I'm sitting in a study room by myself with motion sensored lights that I hate working on my papers (I have three due by the end of the sememster, plus three movie reviews). I actually kinda like here (despite the lights). I tend to get more work done than if I was sitting in my room and I don't have people bothering me, because, well, they can never find me.

The only other things I have today is class at 1:10 and a meeting at 3:30, which if I stay in the library area of campus, I don't have to walk far for either of those two things. Plus I can get work done.

I really don't want to go to this meeting. Why, you ask? Well, first of all, who wants to go to a meeting? I mean really. Second we're supposed to be discussing all the crap that happened over spring break, which I'm sick of talking about because it makes me mad. Like, really mad. Pissed is the word I used to describe it yesterday. Of course yesterday I really was pissed because that's when the meeting was supposed to be, but it got canceled because of a stupid light in a stupid car which is apparently more important. But anyway...

So yeah, I get to waste more of my time that I could be using on writing my papers and studying for finals (which are in about two weeks), and instead get to sit in an office getting pissed off, which will distract even further from my actually doing my homework. But who cares, right? Who cares if I don't get shit done or if I have to stay up later than I really should and then am dead tired for class the next day. Who cares?

Okay, before I go any farther, I think I should sign off. Just do me a favor, just keep my friend in mind, and if you are so incline to do, send up a little prayer. Thanks!

~Vix~

Happy being single?

So as a psychologist (or future psychologist) I tell my friends who are whining about relationships and wanting to be in relationships, that if you can't be happy single, then there's no way you're going to be able to make another person happy. And I truly believe that, but you know what - it is so damn hard to stick to it. I want to be in a relationship, but it's not just that. I want to find that one person who is just right for me; no one else, just me.

I know I'm only 22, and I know that I have so much ahead of me in going for my doctorate and whatnot. And I know I shouldn't be drawn in to the fact that all my friends are in relationships, and getting engaged and (for the love of God) getting married. It's just hard to see it all happening around you and not being a part of it.

There are just days that I feel like I'll never find that one guy who is supposed to be the one. I know I shouldn't be thinking this way. I have a year left where I am, then I'll be taking a year off to work, and then starting my masters/doctorate. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know who'll I'll meet. For all I know, I could go over to Ireland and fall for some guy with a sexy Irish accent. Or I'll go someplace else and fall for the last person I expect to.

So I'm watching Fools Ruch In (because it does actually take me a while to write these posts, which explains why they don't usually make much sense) and I see the two main characters slowly fall further and further in love. After Alex meets Isabelle's family he goes into a monologue about how earlier in the day he couldn't decide between a Texas Burger and a Tuna Melt, and he didn't know who he was, but it all made sense. Then later that day he finally knew who he was and what he wanted and nothing made sense anymore. I want that. As sappy as it sounds (and yes I am in fact that sappy) I want that!

So here's what I want in a guy - I don't care about hair or eye color, for that matter he doesn't have to be spectacularly hot, somewhat good looking would be nice though. I want him to be at least three inches taller than I am (I'm 5'10" and I want to be able to wear heels every now and then) and I want him a little bit older than me (like two years, maybe three). That last one isn't going to happen where I am now, unless some non-traditional senior transfers in, whcih I don't think is going to happen. I just want a guy who is nice and sweet, and can make me laugh, truly laugh. But also someone who will know when I want to have someone around and when I need to be alone. Who can treat me like a lady, but allow me to keep my independence.

Alright, I'm tired. And I have a lot to do this week, so you might not hear from me until next weekend unless something big happens. But as for now, I'm signing off.

~Vix~

Life is a Formal... or something

Tonight was formal, and even though plans didn't work out exactly as I would have liked, I still had a blast. A friend of mine (a girl) went as my "date" and we joined my roommate and her boyfriend, and our neighbor and her friend that she went with freshman year when they were dating. The fact that I didn't have a real date gave me the excuse to dance with pretty much anyone I wanted, which was very nice.

Last year I didn't go to formal, because the guy I was dating at the time didn't want to go, and I have regretted it ever since. So this year, I was going no matter what. I am so glad I did. I had a beautiful red dress (I might post the pic) and I must say, I think I looked hott. I had a blast.

I was especially glad to dance with one of friends, a guy who I have math with. He's younger than I am, but I'm getting to the place in my life where I'm beginning to give up on the whole age issue. Honestly in a few years time, it won't matter, so why should it matter so much now? But back to the story. I'm kinda interested. I don't know if I'm totally interested, or if I'm just vaguely interested. He's a nice guy, an extremely nice guy, and he's in tune with God and how a girl should be treated. He's sweet and kind, if you couldn't already tell. And he makes me laugh. Plus he's taller than I am, even when I'm in heels, which works out pretty well. But I'm afraid that because of the age thing, and that I don't think he's interested like that, I'm hesitant to say anything.

I mean, I help him a lot in math (I guess I could be called his tutor) and we don't really hang out with the same people, though we do have mutual acquaintances. I don't know! All I know is that I have to work on finishing school. Granted I'm going to take a year off between undergrad and grad school, but I need to finish the undergrad first. I have a year left, what's the point of getting into anything when I only have a year left.

Besides, we live on two totally different sides of the United States. And am I really ready to get into something right now? People are still talking about all the Travis crap. Just talking about it kind of annoys me, but there's not much I can do about it. Just wait for it to pass over.

A friend of mine mentioned about it being awkward if Travis was at the dance tonight. I said the only person who would make it awkward would be him. That I was over it already. He looked at me strangely, but didn't say anything more about it. I just don't understand what's so hard to believe about that. I just wish people would stop talking about it and would just let it fall into oblivion like I want it to.

I don't know... this is what's going on in my life right now. These are the stupid things I worry about deep down inside. It's just that when this guy hugged me tonight, after we shared a dance, it kinda felt right. And before I walked away, he squeezed my hands, and looked into my eyes. Maybe I'm just looking for someone to be with, because I didn't quite get the warm guitar feeling. I guess for right now I'm just going to go with the flow. I am happy being single, don't get me wrong. But there are times, especially around holidays, or dances, or spring when you see all the couples, and it's just shoved in your face. It makes being single a little harder.

Alright, it's almost 2 in the morning, and I am exhausted. So here I am... signing off.

~Vix~