I think I finally figured out why I decided to go all the way to Kansas for my first four years of college. It's because my family completely and utterly infuriates me! The blatant favoritism for my brother is so obvious, I don't know why I never saw it before. And all the evidence has been staring me in the face for years! Nearly two and a half decades!
In school, my brother was never pushed to achieve good grades. As long as he didn't fail. And once he entered the public high school, even that went out the window because he was "having problems". Bullshit, he just finally realized that Mom would be there to coddle him the rest of his life and he stopped trying. I, on the other hand, had to achieve as close to perfection as I could. Forget that I might actually have a problem with math, or that I don't have a photographic or auditory memory. No, I had to be great in the academic arena.
Not only that, I had to be great on the field as well. I had to be the best at whatever I did, soccer, band, swimming. I couldn't just be mediocre, as I am. No, I had to be the best, no matter what. Cory on the other hand, who cares?
I was expected to go on to college and do great. So when I didn't do so great, I was a disappointment. Now, I'm home and still trying to work towards graduation, but it's being made all but impossible. First Mom wants me to do a million different things that I don't have time for. Then it's not like I would even be able to study or sleep because Cory has to have his tv turned up so loud that I can't even hear myself think. And forget asking him to turn it down, that just ends us all up in a fight.
And that tv shit is another thing. He's had a tv in his room, with satelite since I was in high school. Me? I have a stereo. I bought my computer with my own money for school. He just has one so he can have one.
Then tonight, he calls out of work because he "doesn't feel good" (aka, he has gas). So Mom and I instead of making dinner, go out and buy dinner because he doesn't want to eat. We go to the grocery store and then come home to find him not here. Mom calls him. He's at a friend's house. She just laughs and says see you later. I would have been told to get my ass home! Fuck that, I would have been ripped up one side and down the other when I got there!
This isn't fair, and no one in my house seems to be able to see that. People walk into the bathroom when I'm in the shower without knocking, people walk into my room unannounced and uninvited and I can't even talk on the phone for more than five seconds without my mother calling me or adding her two sense to a conversation she only hear's one side of!
I am so sick of this shit, but I'm stuck where I am until I graduate. Why? Because I recieve disability and if I move out, I lose that. And if I work full time, I'm never going to have time for school work. It sucks. Big time and I'm sick of all of it.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Monday, September 08, 2008
Women are...
I already have a post called Women are stupid... so I think I'm going to let you be creative and fill in the blank.
I personally think women are bitches. They are self-centered, spoiled, and think they deserve everything. Not only that, they think that men should just bend and mold to exactly what they want, instead of spending the time to go out and find the right guy. What do I mean by this? I woman starts dating a guy and she will do everything in her power over the course of the relationship to change him into what she wants him to be instead of just admitting that he isn't the one for her. Then when the relationship really does end, it's about a million times worse and the guy is left scarred and not knowing who he is (more or less).
Why can't women just not do that? (Sorry about that sentence, there was no other way to put it.) It ruins good men for the rest of us. Because when we find the guy that we really like, and want to be with, he is insecure and worries about not being good enough, and is damaged. Then we have to work through all of that during the course of our relationship.
And it's not just women that do this. Men do this to women, too. And the same thing happens. Why? Why can't we just be happy with who we are and who other people are? Why must we try so hard to change other people? I would hope that you would know what you were getting into when starting a relationship with a person. I would hope that you would know the good, the bad, the differentiating circumstances and everything inbetween before starting a relationship. You shouldn't try to change a person.
I understand he's in the Navy, and that he smokes and that he gets crazy when he has sugar, or caffeine, or alcohol. I understand that he's goofy and childlike at times, that he says what's on his mind, and that every once in a while he needs to express his deepest feelings. I understand all of that, and I love him for it. I wouldn't change anything about him.
I understand that he's insecure because girls in the past have left him because of different aspects of his life. And what I'm trying my hardest to do is to make him understand that I knew all about it going into this, and if I had a problem with any of it, I wouldn't have said yes.
Women are bitches.
I personally think women are bitches. They are self-centered, spoiled, and think they deserve everything. Not only that, they think that men should just bend and mold to exactly what they want, instead of spending the time to go out and find the right guy. What do I mean by this? I woman starts dating a guy and she will do everything in her power over the course of the relationship to change him into what she wants him to be instead of just admitting that he isn't the one for her. Then when the relationship really does end, it's about a million times worse and the guy is left scarred and not knowing who he is (more or less).
Why can't women just not do that? (Sorry about that sentence, there was no other way to put it.) It ruins good men for the rest of us. Because when we find the guy that we really like, and want to be with, he is insecure and worries about not being good enough, and is damaged. Then we have to work through all of that during the course of our relationship.
And it's not just women that do this. Men do this to women, too. And the same thing happens. Why? Why can't we just be happy with who we are and who other people are? Why must we try so hard to change other people? I would hope that you would know what you were getting into when starting a relationship with a person. I would hope that you would know the good, the bad, the differentiating circumstances and everything inbetween before starting a relationship. You shouldn't try to change a person.
I understand he's in the Navy, and that he smokes and that he gets crazy when he has sugar, or caffeine, or alcohol. I understand that he's goofy and childlike at times, that he says what's on his mind, and that every once in a while he needs to express his deepest feelings. I understand all of that, and I love him for it. I wouldn't change anything about him.
I understand that he's insecure because girls in the past have left him because of different aspects of his life. And what I'm trying my hardest to do is to make him understand that I knew all about it going into this, and if I had a problem with any of it, I wouldn't have said yes.
Women are bitches.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Making the grade...
Classes have started, and I think I'm going to be enjoying them. Ends up I have three of my mother's old professors... three out of four. It should be interesting.
I'm really excited about my Adolscent Psychology class. This one is going to be fun. The professor is hilarious and really gets into the deep of things and is completely unafraid to say anything. I think I'm going to get a lot out of this class.
The other classes I'm in are business classes with the exception of the health class, which isn't going to be too overly difficult.
As far as the rest of my life is going, I feel like I spent all week up at Gold's. Between my normal work schedule, and getting there early because I didn't want to drive home between class and work and then certifiying the boys, there wasn't much else to my week. But they said it was all going to pay off when I got my paycheck, which it should. They owe me big time.
Right, so there was the certifying yesterday. I ended up having the two boys, Jon and Joe, their friend Alex and their cousin Ray who is 15. Apparently Ray was asking Jon about me - Does she work here? What's she like? etc. Not only did I overhear part of this conversation, I was also told about it. The part that I was told about later was the fact that Jon said I was his best and favorite guard :) That part made me happy. It's nice to be appreciated.
Eddie came up this weekend to help me with the certification. He was my victim and we really put him through the ringer. But he took it well and it helped me out a lot. He told me over dinner later that he was really impressed with my teaching and was really proud that I could do what I do. He means so much to me...
Anyway... that's all for now, more updates to come.
I'm really excited about my Adolscent Psychology class. This one is going to be fun. The professor is hilarious and really gets into the deep of things and is completely unafraid to say anything. I think I'm going to get a lot out of this class.
The other classes I'm in are business classes with the exception of the health class, which isn't going to be too overly difficult.
As far as the rest of my life is going, I feel like I spent all week up at Gold's. Between my normal work schedule, and getting there early because I didn't want to drive home between class and work and then certifiying the boys, there wasn't much else to my week. But they said it was all going to pay off when I got my paycheck, which it should. They owe me big time.
Right, so there was the certifying yesterday. I ended up having the two boys, Jon and Joe, their friend Alex and their cousin Ray who is 15. Apparently Ray was asking Jon about me - Does she work here? What's she like? etc. Not only did I overhear part of this conversation, I was also told about it. The part that I was told about later was the fact that Jon said I was his best and favorite guard :) That part made me happy. It's nice to be appreciated.
Eddie came up this weekend to help me with the certification. He was my victim and we really put him through the ringer. But he took it well and it helped me out a lot. He told me over dinner later that he was really impressed with my teaching and was really proud that I could do what I do. He means so much to me...
Anyway... that's all for now, more updates to come.
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