It's not the world's greatest answer, but then again, it's not the world's worst answer. What's the question you ask? Well, that I cannot tell you. Not because I'm trying to be mean or anything, but really I don't want to start getting my hopes up. I have screwed up really badly here in the past, and I think I've grown up past all that shit. I just hope that I'm right and that he sees that.
It's not a safely, fallback thing. Not anymore because I know he doesn't have to do this. He could say screw you and move on with his life. And if he does, well... that's gonna be a hard pill to swallow.
But I guess those two little words explain it all.
We'll see...
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Something slightly annoying...
So I'm checking email tonight and I get on facebook to find that one of my "friends" has invited me to a group called 'The Rebecca Project for Human Rights'. Now I have no idea what this is, so I start reading the group page. Apparently, a group of people in society have decided to take pity on those incarcerated or addicted to drugs and who have children. In case you haven't noticed, I meant mothers.
Let me get this straight. A woman has children. She does drugs. She gets put in jail and I should feel bad for her? No, I feel bad for the children who are now in foster care. But not only that, I should apparently be voting for these same women to be taken out of jail, have their kids returned to them and then given food stamps and medicaid, and other benefits of my tax dollars. And yes, I do pay taxes out of my pay checks, so it is in fact my tax dollars.
No! This is ridiculous!
I had to leave a comment on this page. Some random girl said that most of the women addicted to drugs have been abused in their lifetimes. I'm sorry, you can't use that excuse. My mother, brother and I were all emotionally, physically, and/or sexually abused by my father and none of us are addicted to drugs. Not only that, I know for a fact that my mother has made $10 over what she needs to recieve foodstamps and is therefore denied government assistance. For ten dollars! And still, none of us are addicted to drugs. Furthermore, she had to fight to recieve medicaid assistance for being disabled and diabetic and blind! And now the richest, the whitest, and the "brightest" of our society wants me to just give these benefits, the benefits that people who need them aren't getting, to women who are addicted to drugs? I don't think so!
I don't care what doctors say. Addiction isn't a disease. It's a disorder, and moreso it becomes an excuse for behavior that isn't acceptable. Well I'm sorry. Children of drug addicted mothers belong in better homes where they actually have a chance at a real life and a real future instead of having to grow up taking care of their parents and facing the very real possibility of ending up just like them. And yes, that is exactly what the statistics show.
Let me get this straight. A woman has children. She does drugs. She gets put in jail and I should feel bad for her? No, I feel bad for the children who are now in foster care. But not only that, I should apparently be voting for these same women to be taken out of jail, have their kids returned to them and then given food stamps and medicaid, and other benefits of my tax dollars. And yes, I do pay taxes out of my pay checks, so it is in fact my tax dollars.
No! This is ridiculous!
I had to leave a comment on this page. Some random girl said that most of the women addicted to drugs have been abused in their lifetimes. I'm sorry, you can't use that excuse. My mother, brother and I were all emotionally, physically, and/or sexually abused by my father and none of us are addicted to drugs. Not only that, I know for a fact that my mother has made $10 over what she needs to recieve foodstamps and is therefore denied government assistance. For ten dollars! And still, none of us are addicted to drugs. Furthermore, she had to fight to recieve medicaid assistance for being disabled and diabetic and blind! And now the richest, the whitest, and the "brightest" of our society wants me to just give these benefits, the benefits that people who need them aren't getting, to women who are addicted to drugs? I don't think so!
I don't care what doctors say. Addiction isn't a disease. It's a disorder, and moreso it becomes an excuse for behavior that isn't acceptable. Well I'm sorry. Children of drug addicted mothers belong in better homes where they actually have a chance at a real life and a real future instead of having to grow up taking care of their parents and facing the very real possibility of ending up just like them. And yes, that is exactly what the statistics show.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Goings on...
So despite being totally tired and my hairline being burned, I am loving my job. The kids at this camp are great, mostly well behaved and just fun to play with in the water. I'm have a great time.
There's a lot going on inside my head at the moment, but I'll save that for when I have time this weekend (if I have time this weekend). But I really promise a full mind-emptying blog sometime in the near future!
There's a lot going on inside my head at the moment, but I'll save that for when I have time this weekend (if I have time this weekend). But I really promise a full mind-emptying blog sometime in the near future!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Camp...
So I still really need to see that movie...
Anyway, onto the actually topic of this post, which is that of the summer camp I'm working at this year! Yes, after the crap I went through with the YMCA, I got a job at a summer camp near me and it looks like it's going to be a lot of fun. How do I know this if I haven't gone to any of the meetings because I didn't work there? Easy. Today was "orientation".
Now I thought that meant orientation for the staff. Boy was I wrong. It was actually orientation for the campers (and their parents) who suffer from separation anxiety, even when their kid is like twelve years old or something. It's actually pretty funny, from the psychology point of view. You definately got to see which had the problem (camper or parent) just by the way each was acting.
I also realize how badly parents really do embarrass their kids. It's completely awful! Seriously, parents were telling us things that they probably never really should. It was badly hilarious. But all we can do is smile and nod and say things like "I'm sure they'll be fine." and "We'll work through it!"
And of course the favorite - "This is going to be a great year, right? Yeah! High five!"
Anyway, onto the actually topic of this post, which is that of the summer camp I'm working at this year! Yes, after the crap I went through with the YMCA, I got a job at a summer camp near me and it looks like it's going to be a lot of fun. How do I know this if I haven't gone to any of the meetings because I didn't work there? Easy. Today was "orientation".
Now I thought that meant orientation for the staff. Boy was I wrong. It was actually orientation for the campers (and their parents) who suffer from separation anxiety, even when their kid is like twelve years old or something. It's actually pretty funny, from the psychology point of view. You definately got to see which had the problem (camper or parent) just by the way each was acting.
I also realize how badly parents really do embarrass their kids. It's completely awful! Seriously, parents were telling us things that they probably never really should. It was badly hilarious. But all we can do is smile and nod and say things like "I'm sure they'll be fine." and "We'll work through it!"
And of course the favorite - "This is going to be a great year, right? Yeah! High five!"
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Applebees and the Hott Cop Epic...
Tonight was epic. There's no other word for it. Just completely and utterly epic. And it all started at Katie's.
I got to Katie's around 8ish, and gave her my grand present of playdoh. It's an inside joke, most of you wouldn't get it anyway. So at 10 we head over to Applebees for Katie's first official drink as a legal drinking adult. We both ordered margarita's that were huge and utterly good, as well as the four of us (Kaitlin and Louisa are of course included on this) ordering appetizers and having an all around good time. Louisa still should have hugged the waiter, he was way stressed out (lol).
Afterwards, Katie, Kaitlin and I all swung by Katie's to pick up a couple Mike's Hard Cranberry's then headed up to Turkey Brook to hang out. I swear to God, I was not followed in (I'm driving btw). But suddenly just as I opened the Mike's Hard, I am blinded by bright lights in my rearview mirror and apparently I said something along the lines of "Are you kidding me?" as I stashed the drink. Yes, it was a cop, and all I could think the entire time he was talking to me was 'Holy crap, he's young and he's cute and just keep smiling. hopefully he'll let us off.' All three of us are all "yes sir, no sir" to the point where he makes the comment along the lines of "wow I could get used to this".
Well, he took our licenses back to the squad car with him then returned and I guess he must have thought he scared us or something because he's tells us that we can hang out up here as long as we're good or something like that.
But at one point, he's leaning so close to my window that I seriously could have just leaned like two inches and kissed him. Which if he wasn't a cop and could potentially get us in trouble, I just might have because this guy was H-O-T-T! We talked about it all the way back to Katie's where we finally sat and drank on her front porch.
I'm sure a lot more happened then just that, but the entire night was just completely epic.
~Vix~
I got to Katie's around 8ish, and gave her my grand present of playdoh. It's an inside joke, most of you wouldn't get it anyway. So at 10 we head over to Applebees for Katie's first official drink as a legal drinking adult. We both ordered margarita's that were huge and utterly good, as well as the four of us (Kaitlin and Louisa are of course included on this) ordering appetizers and having an all around good time. Louisa still should have hugged the waiter, he was way stressed out (lol).
Afterwards, Katie, Kaitlin and I all swung by Katie's to pick up a couple Mike's Hard Cranberry's then headed up to Turkey Brook to hang out. I swear to God, I was not followed in (I'm driving btw). But suddenly just as I opened the Mike's Hard, I am blinded by bright lights in my rearview mirror and apparently I said something along the lines of "Are you kidding me?" as I stashed the drink. Yes, it was a cop, and all I could think the entire time he was talking to me was 'Holy crap, he's young and he's cute and just keep smiling. hopefully he'll let us off.' All three of us are all "yes sir, no sir" to the point where he makes the comment along the lines of "wow I could get used to this".
Well, he took our licenses back to the squad car with him then returned and I guess he must have thought he scared us or something because he's tells us that we can hang out up here as long as we're good or something like that.
But at one point, he's leaning so close to my window that I seriously could have just leaned like two inches and kissed him. Which if he wasn't a cop and could potentially get us in trouble, I just might have because this guy was H-O-T-T! We talked about it all the way back to Katie's where we finally sat and drank on her front porch.
I'm sure a lot more happened then just that, but the entire night was just completely epic.
~Vix~
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Can I Just...
Can i just curl up and disappear for a little while? Scream and cry and go insane? Anything? Anything at all? Please?
These past two days have just been the worse in the world, and most people don't even know half of what's been going on. I found out yesterday that the YMCA that I work for has screwed me over for the third year in a row because I'm not "full time". Forget that I've been working for them for three years. That I come in and work whenever they call and for however long they want me. Forget the fact that I worked opening to closing every Sunday of my highschool career when no one else would. Forget times that I didn't get to sit down and have dinner with my family or went without eating for a day because they kept me longer than I was supposed to be there. Forget the fact that I got certified to instruct and train guards because they wanted me to and the fact that most of their amazing guards were people that I reccommended and trained. Forget all of that, I'm not "full time" and so I don't get the supervisor position that I have worked for and rightfully deserve. No that goes to some barbie doll two years younger than me who has no life and no future and no ambition to do anything else!
So now I have to call around and look like an idiot because I have to try and find a different job for the summer. So I have options, yeah. I'm highly certified and I have seven years of experience behind me. I'm a rare commodity. You see, I actually like my job, which not very many people in my position can say (and I mean job as in guarding and instructing, not the YMCA).
Today was more of scrounging for a job that will pay me what I need to pay my bills, plus trying to get homework done for tonight and tomorrow night, which still hasn't happened in between fielding calls, fixing the leak down in the cellar, going to a doctor's visit and scheduling another one, getting paper work in and trying to talk to eight people at once. Then the mail comes. I didn't get in at Montclair. They tell me to not let it be a reflection on my potential, but what else am I supposed to think at this point? I feel like a failure and like every bad thing people have told me is coming true. I feel like at this point I'm never going to finish college because I'm so sick of classes and not having any money and not being able to do anything. I'm sick of having to read and reread and read again everything I get because I can't retain any of it. I'm tired of being sick and not being able to think straight or talk straight and being tired. I'm sick of it all. I just want to be able to get on with my life and be normal.
My stress level is at it's peak right now and I don't know what to do to get it to go back down. I thought the summer was all planned out, that I knew what was going on and in two days it's all blown up in my face.
These past two days have just been the worse in the world, and most people don't even know half of what's been going on. I found out yesterday that the YMCA that I work for has screwed me over for the third year in a row because I'm not "full time". Forget that I've been working for them for three years. That I come in and work whenever they call and for however long they want me. Forget the fact that I worked opening to closing every Sunday of my highschool career when no one else would. Forget times that I didn't get to sit down and have dinner with my family or went without eating for a day because they kept me longer than I was supposed to be there. Forget the fact that I got certified to instruct and train guards because they wanted me to and the fact that most of their amazing guards were people that I reccommended and trained. Forget all of that, I'm not "full time" and so I don't get the supervisor position that I have worked for and rightfully deserve. No that goes to some barbie doll two years younger than me who has no life and no future and no ambition to do anything else!
So now I have to call around and look like an idiot because I have to try and find a different job for the summer. So I have options, yeah. I'm highly certified and I have seven years of experience behind me. I'm a rare commodity. You see, I actually like my job, which not very many people in my position can say (and I mean job as in guarding and instructing, not the YMCA).
Today was more of scrounging for a job that will pay me what I need to pay my bills, plus trying to get homework done for tonight and tomorrow night, which still hasn't happened in between fielding calls, fixing the leak down in the cellar, going to a doctor's visit and scheduling another one, getting paper work in and trying to talk to eight people at once. Then the mail comes. I didn't get in at Montclair. They tell me to not let it be a reflection on my potential, but what else am I supposed to think at this point? I feel like a failure and like every bad thing people have told me is coming true. I feel like at this point I'm never going to finish college because I'm so sick of classes and not having any money and not being able to do anything. I'm sick of having to read and reread and read again everything I get because I can't retain any of it. I'm tired of being sick and not being able to think straight or talk straight and being tired. I'm sick of it all. I just want to be able to get on with my life and be normal.
My stress level is at it's peak right now and I don't know what to do to get it to go back down. I thought the summer was all planned out, that I knew what was going on and in two days it's all blown up in my face.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Home again...
I'm home. Nothing real exciting has been going on, at least not yet. When something comes up I'll be sure to blog about it, but right now my life consists of the diner with my BFF and the starting of two night classes.
And apparently it's quite obvious that I'm a psych major. Go figure.
Later,
~Vix~
And apparently it's quite obvious that I'm a psych major. Go figure.
Later,
~Vix~
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