I think I got it figured...

I think I finally figured out why I decided to go all the way to Kansas for my first four years of college. It's because my family completely and utterly infuriates me! The blatant favoritism for my brother is so obvious, I don't know why I never saw it before. And all the evidence has been staring me in the face for years! Nearly two and a half decades!

In school, my brother was never pushed to achieve good grades. As long as he didn't fail. And once he entered the public high school, even that went out the window because he was "having problems". Bullshit, he just finally realized that Mom would be there to coddle him the rest of his life and he stopped trying. I, on the other hand, had to achieve as close to perfection as I could. Forget that I might actually have a problem with math, or that I don't have a photographic or auditory memory. No, I had to be great in the academic arena.

Not only that, I had to be great on the field as well. I had to be the best at whatever I did, soccer, band, swimming. I couldn't just be mediocre, as I am. No, I had to be the best, no matter what. Cory on the other hand, who cares?

I was expected to go on to college and do great. So when I didn't do so great, I was a disappointment. Now, I'm home and still trying to work towards graduation, but it's being made all but impossible. First Mom wants me to do a million different things that I don't have time for. Then it's not like I would even be able to study or sleep because Cory has to have his tv turned up so loud that I can't even hear myself think. And forget asking him to turn it down, that just ends us all up in a fight.

And that tv shit is another thing. He's had a tv in his room, with satelite since I was in high school. Me? I have a stereo. I bought my computer with my own money for school. He just has one so he can have one.

Then tonight, he calls out of work because he "doesn't feel good" (aka, he has gas). So Mom and I instead of making dinner, go out and buy dinner because he doesn't want to eat. We go to the grocery store and then come home to find him not here. Mom calls him. He's at a friend's house. She just laughs and says see you later. I would have been told to get my ass home! Fuck that, I would have been ripped up one side and down the other when I got there!

This isn't fair, and no one in my house seems to be able to see that. People walk into the bathroom when I'm in the shower without knocking, people walk into my room unannounced and uninvited and I can't even talk on the phone for more than five seconds without my mother calling me or adding her two sense to a conversation she only hear's one side of!

I am so sick of this shit, but I'm stuck where I am until I graduate. Why? Because I recieve disability and if I move out, I lose that. And if I work full time, I'm never going to have time for school work. It sucks. Big time and I'm sick of all of it.