I've been thinking...

Why can't like ever just be simple? Like to the point of 'here's the big red arrow that you follow to your destiny' simple. Or something happening like getting slapped on the back of the head when the right opportunity is passing you by. But I guess that's a little too much to ask, right? Anyway...

Last time I spoke about how I'm ready to date but not ready to say I'm dating someone. And that still holds true, but I've been thinking about that whole thing. Well, a part of it. The part where I actually get to the point of being ready to actually date one person and be in a relationship with that person. My past relationships have been based mainly on a physical component and I'm really sick of that. I've never had a really cute and sweet and innocent relationship where the physical part doesn't really matter. And I want that because deep down inside that's the person I am. Yeah I can be loud at times, yeah I can be a bitch or sexy, but down inside I'm actually quiet, and insecure and shy. I don't like being in front of people I don't know, I get nervous when I have to talk in front of others and a lot of the time I'm happy just sitting off the side and reading or something.

I'm not saying I want a fairy tale, because I don't. I just want something real. I don't want to date for the sake of dating, or to say 'oh yeah, I have a boyfriend'. And I don't want to date with the goal of getting married anytime soon (I would really like to finish school first). But I do want to get back out there to see people, to meet new people, and to maybe, just maybe find the real thing, whatever that may be.